White Houses
by RyleeBeth
Summary: Based on the song by Vanessa Carlton. The iCarly gang appears to be much happier than they really are. Multichapter fic about innocence, love, trust, relationships and much more. Rated T for mature themes.


**Hello! This is my first piece for iCarly. Some facts from the show are changed, like where Carly originally is from and when Carly met Sam. Please review! This is sort of the prologue to the story, so your thoughts are very helpful.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly and I never will. I also do not own the song White Houses by Vanessa Carlton.**

_Crashed on the floor when I moved in  
This little bungalow with some strange new friends  
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin  
We promise each other it's 'til the end  
Now we're spinning empty bottles  
It's the five of us  
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust  
I can't resist the day  
No, I can't resist the day_

She took one last breath of humid air from Tampa Bay, willing her lungs to remember, and hurried into the airport. She didn't give into exhalation until Spencer commanded her to breathe. His push was enough to break her strength and she gasped in some much needed oxygen. Her muscles relaxed in relief, but the good feeling was quickly chased away by her guilt. Carly Shay never was a stranger to feeling guilty.

After a flight through the sky, which she always found to be a mystery, she found herself in Seattle. Before opening the door to an apartment complex which claimed to be home, she felt the air against her arms. It felt as humid as it did in Florida, but it was different. The air was too cold, and the clouds were too dark. Crying, she ran after her older brother into the building. Ignoring his attempts at quelling her tears, she ran through the apartment door that he threw open a little too eagerly; she fell onto the floor, feeling to tired to get up. Carly was so tired. Tired of missing her parents and tired from praying all night hoping for things that would never change.

Even though Freddie lived across the hall, Carly met Sam first. (Guilty, guilty, guilty.) Sam's blonde ringlets were flung back as her head snapped back and her body rolled with laughter. Trying to make up for her guilt, she went to help the fallen boy on the ground and mutter something about courtesy to the blonde girl, but instead, they caught eyes and felt a connection. A strong connection. The kind that Carly was afraid of because they always ended in pain. Several years later, but not nearly enough, Carly played spin-the-bottle for the first time at Sam's "bible study group." It was the first time she ever kissed someone.

_Jenny screams out and it's no pose  
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes  
Beer through the nose on an inside joke  
And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken  
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure  
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her  
Summer's all in bloom  
Summer is ending soon_

She quit ballet when she was 12 because she was simply too good at it. Her turnout, lines, and passion were perfect, but ballet made her feel graceful and pretty, none of which she thought were appropriate to feel. She definitely was clumsy and ugly, right? Her friend from the ballet studio, Jenny, made her promise that she would come see her perform. That was one promise she didn't keep, and one less friend that she had.

She was 14 during the summer before her freshman year of high school. She was 14 when she drank beer for the first time with Sam and her other "friends." Drunken laughter filled the room in confirmation of yet another dirty joke. Carly was too confused and intoxicated to speak. She watched Sam and her bright blue eyes, which were doubly electrified that night. Could she ever be as free as Sam? Did she want to be?

_It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone  
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses_

When the guilt over drinking came washing in, she told herself it was alright. If that was where her friends were, then it had to be OK. Still, she didn't tell anyone and never drank again. All her friends left her after that except for one, Sam. Sam was her only real friend from her group. Perhaps she should have listened to Freddie. (Guilty, guilty, guilty.)

_Maybe I'm a little bit over my head  
I come undone at the things he said  
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt  
We were all in love and we all got hurt  
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat  
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat  
Boy, we're going way too fast  
It's all too sweet to last _

Her first boyfriend was Steve, a gorgeous boy on the football team who was coincidentally in her biology class. The smell of his cologne was as intoxicating as alcohol, but it didn't taste bitter. It tasted sweet and alluring, and she loved to breathe it in. (Guilty, guilty, guilty.) She didn't connect to him exactly like she did with Sam, Spencer, and Freddie, so she thought that she wouldn't get hurt. One night in the back of his brother's car, she stopped him from running his hand up her leg, and he stopped their relationship. Her heart and naivety broke for the first time. She didn't love Steve, but she sure did have strong feelings for him.

_It's alright  
And I put myself in his hands  
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses  
Love, or something ignites in my veins  
And I pray it never fades in white houses  
_

She leaned on both Sam and Freddie while she was recovering from Steve. Freddie thought she was pretty and beautiful, and she thought that he would never hurt her. She cemented her friendship with Freddie to get him to smile and to keep her strong. Love. No, she couldn't ever love Freddie, because people get hurt when they love each other. But however Freddie made her feel, she prayed that it would never fade away.

_My first time, hard to explain  
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain  
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think  
He's my first mistake_

The second time someone asked for her virginity, Carly gave it to him. (Guilty, guilty, guilty.) The weather was dreary and when he came back to her and gave her a way to rid herself of her boredom, she complied. _Griffin_ she moaned as she collapsed onto his bed, or at least she thought she did. As he unclasped her bra, he asked her why the hell she was saying different people's names. Before it happened, he whispered in here ear that after they were done, she'd forget all about Sam and Freddie.

_Maybe you were all faster than me  
We gave each other up so easily  
These silly little wounds will never mend  
I feel so far from where I've been  
So I go, and I will not be back here again  
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses  
I lied, wrote my injuries all in the dust  
In my heart is the five of us  
In white houses_

Carly's life was so hectic that she sometimes felt as if she couldn't keep up with it. She was far too sensitive and far too guilty to keep up with everything and everyone. She had lost both of her best friends because she was afraid to show them that she was broken. She was broken, but she promised herself that no matter how much it hurt, she would always remember Sam, Freddie, Spencer, Marina, and herself.

_And you, maybe you'll remember me  
What I gave is yours to keep  
In white houses_

She'll always remember her innocence, and she'll always remember them.

Will they remember her?

**Thank you for reading. If any interest is displayed in this, I will definitely post the first real chapter as soon as possible.**


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